Perfected in Love

The big idea

Because God loved us first, we can trust him to perfect his love in us and through us.

Before you begin

This guide works two ways. On your own, take one section a day through the week, or use the daily readings near the end. In a group, plan on about an hour: read the passage aloud, talk through the background, then pick the questions that fit your group. Nobody has to answer every one.

Read 1 John 4:7–21 at least twice, once quietly and once aloud. Our sermon focused on 1 John 4:16–21, but John builds toward it from 1 John 4:7, and the earlier verses tell you where God's love was shown. Last week, in Philippians 2:12–16, we heard that God works in us "to will and to act." This week asks what kind of God is doing that work, and whether we can trust him with the parts of us that still need to change.

Get talking

When you were a kid, what was the hardest thing you ever had to tell your parents? How did you decide when to tell them?

Where this passage sits

First John reads more like a pastor's letter to people he loves than a formal argument. The writer never names himself, but the church has long received it as the work of the apostle John, and its language sounds a great deal like John's Gospel. He calls his readers "dear children" (1 John 2:1; 1 John 3:18) and writes so that they "may know that you have eternal life" (1 John 5:13).

The churches he wrote to had been shaken. Some people had left the fellowship (1 John 2:19), and their teaching seems to have denied that Jesus truly came in the flesh (1 John 4:2–3). Some of them may also have claimed a close knowledge of God while showing little love for other believers. John answers with tests a church can see: do we believe that Jesus is the Christ who came in the flesh, do we obey God's commands, and do we love one another?

Our passage closes a long section on love that begins at 1 John 4:7. John has already said where love starts: "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:10). Everything in 1 John 4:16–21 rests on that.

A few words worth a closer look

• "Rely on" (1 John 4:16). The word is the ordinary New Testament word for believing or trusting. John says we have come to know God's love and to put our weight on it.
• "Atoning sacrifice" (1 John 4:10). A sacrifice that deals with sin so a broken relationship can be put right. John uses the same word in 1 John 2:2. Jesus took on himself what our sin deserved, so that we could be brought back to God.
• "Lives" (1 John 4:16). John's favorite word for remaining or abiding, used again and again in this letter and in John 15. It pictures making your home somewhere, an ongoing relationship of depending on God and following him.
• "Made complete" (1 John 4:17–18). This is the word behind "perfect" and "perfected." It means brought to its goal, finished, mature. Love is "made complete" when it accomplishes what God intends.
• "Confidence" (1 John 4:17). Boldness or freedom to speak openly, the kind a child has with a parent he trusts. John uses it for prayer as well (1 John 5:14).
• "Fear … punishment" (1 John 4:18). The fear John means is the dread of condemnation. It differs from the reverence Scripture commends, and from the ordinary worries a mature Christian can still feel before surgery or over a child.
• "Brother or sister" (1 John 4:20–21). A fellow believer. John is speaking directly to the way Christians treat one another.

I. Entrust yourself to the God who loves you

Read: 1 John 4:9–16, Hebrews 12:5–11 and Luke 5:1–11

Pastor Bart opened with a boy who comes home from school with a note from his teacher in his backpack. He's been saying his homework is finished. When his dad asks how school went, he says, "Fine," and then he watches his father's face to judge whether this is a safe time to tell the truth. Many of us pray that way. If someone asked whether God loves us, we'd say yes. Yet we approach him as though we need to catch him in a good mood before we admit we're still struggling with something we've talked to him about before.

John says, "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us" (1 John 4:16). He has already told us how we can know it: the Father "sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him" (1 John 4:9). Our feelings change from day to day. What God has done in Jesus hasn't. It also corrects a picture some of us carry, where Jesus is the kind one persuading a reluctant Father to take us in. John says the Father sent the Son. Our salvation began in the Father's love.

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them" (1 John 4:16). God doesn't stand at a distance and hand down instructions. By his Spirit, he lives in us and stays to help us carry them out. The One who calls us to be holy is present in the work of changing us.

So why does a loving God press on things we'd rather leave alone? Because they hurt us and the people around us. We can get so used to bitterness that we defend it, while it slowly damages a relationship we care about. Hebrews 12:10 says, "God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness." Correction may not feel pleasant, but the cross shows us both how seriously God takes sin and how much he wants us to come to him. We can ask for his help before we've fixed what's wrong.

Peter learned this in a fishing boat. After a night of catching nothing, he let down his nets at Jesus' word, and the catch nearly sank two boats. Peter fell at Jesus' knees: "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" (Luke 5:8). Jesus answered, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will fish for people" (Luke 5:10). Nothing Peter confessed was news to Jesus. Later Peter denied him three times, and after the resurrection Jesus met him on a beach, cooked him breakfast and gave him work to do (John 21:15–17).

Questions

1. Think of a time you put off telling someone the truth until you could read their mood. What were you afraid of?
2. Do you ever pray as though you need to catch God in a good mood? What does that look like for you?
3. Read 1 John 4:9–10. Why does it help to know that our salvation began with the Father, not only with the Son?
4. Hebrews 12:10 says God disciplines us "for our good." How have you seen God's correction turn out to be good for you?
5. Peter told Jesus to go away, and Jesus called him anyway. What does that tell you about how Jesus sees you?
6. Is there something you've been waiting to fix before you bring it to God? What would it look like to ask for his help now?

II. Let God's love replace your dread of him

Read: 1 John 4:17–18, Romans 8:14–17 and 1 Thessalonians 5:23–24

"This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus" (1 John 4:17). John is writing to believers. They will stand before a God who knows them completely, and he tells them they can have confidence. That confidence rests in Christ. As his love takes shape in us, we begin to bear a family resemblance, and the God we'll stand before is the one we already call Father.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment" (1 John 4:18). John doesn't mean we stop taking God seriously. He is holy, and he will judge. He means the dread of condemnation has no place in a child's relationship with the Father. Paul makes the same connection: "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father'" (Romans 8:15). Abba is the Aramaic word for father, the word Jesus used when he prayed in Gethsemane (Mark 14:36).

What does John mean by perfect love? The word "perfect" can make us picture someone who never misunderstands, never makes a poor decision and never needs to apologize. John Wesley meant something else by Christian perfection: "the humble, gentle, patient love of God, and our neighbour, ruling our tempers, words, and actions." By tempers he meant the attitudes behind our words and actions. As Wesleyans, we believe we can give ourselves fully to God and trust the Holy Spirit to cleanse our hearts from sin and fill us with love. Paul prays for it: "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through" (1 Thessalonians 5:23). And he adds, "The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:24). Surrender is our part, but the cleansing is God's work.

A heart made whole in love still has a lot to learn. Pastor Bart compared it to a wedding promise. A couple can give themselves to each other wholeheartedly without knowing everything that promise will require. Then one comes home after a hard day and starts talking, the other starts solving the problem, and eventually they hear, "I just needed you to listen." Their love was real. Their understanding still had to grow. We still need wisdom, we still face temptation, and when we knowingly disobey God we need to confess it as sin. John has made room for that: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Hiding sin to protect a claim to holiness would keep us from the cleansing we need.

Questions

1. What came to mind when you first heard the phrase "Christian perfection"?
2. How is the "fear" John describes in 1 John 4:18 different from reverence for God?
3. Read Romans 8:15–16. What changes when you think of yourself as God's adopted child rather than a servant hoping to stay on his good side?
4. Wesley described perfection as love "ruling our tempers, words, and actions." Which of those three is hardest for you to hand over to God?
5. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 says, "he will do it." Where do you need to hear that this week?
6. Think about the wedding illustration. Where has God had your whole heart while your understanding still needed to grow?

III. Extend the love you have received

Read: 1 John 4:19–21 and 1 John 3:16–18

"We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Then John gets very plain: "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen" (1 John 4:20). He doesn't leave much room for a more flattering reading.

Notice "whom they have seen." The person in the next pew is someone we can see. We hear what they're going through, and our chances to help are right in front of us. Earlier in the letter, John gives an ordinary example: someone with plenty sees a fellow believer in need and does nothing (1 John 3:17). "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18). Agreeing that Christians ought to care about hunger won't fill anybody's stomach.

Love takes effort with some people. John expects us to seek their good even when we don't enjoy their company. Sometimes love requires a hard conversation, and it helps to ask why we're having it: to help, or to put someone in their place? Pastor Bart described two church members who had disagreed for weeks over a decision. When one had surgery, the other was still sure the decision was wrong, but he made a lasagna anyway, took it over, asked how the recovery was going and listened. Before he left, he offered another meal on Thursday. They may still have to work through their disagreement, but he wasn't going to leave that family without help while they did.

A guardrail: loving someone doesn't mean pretending they haven't hurt you, or letting them keep doing harm. If someone has wronged you seriously, or if being near them isn't safe, you may need help deciding what to do. Talk with Pastor Bart or another mature believer you trust. You can still ask God to help you want what is good for that person while you work through what happened.

Questions

1. Read 1 John 4:20. Why do you think John connects loving God so tightly with loving people we can see?
2. Who is the hardest person for you to love in your church family right now? (You don't need to name them aloud.)
3. What's the difference between a hard conversation that seeks someone's good and one that puts them in their place?
4. In the lasagna story, what made the visit an act of love even though the disagreement wasn't settled?
5. Read 1 John 3:17–18. Who in our church family has a need you could meet with "actions and in truth"?

Come honestly

Read: 1 John 4:9–10 and 1 John 4:16–21 again

Pastor Bart ended where he began, with the boy and the note in his backpack. Some of us have approached God that way for a long time. Jesus has shown us why we can come. The Father who sent his Son for us can be trusted with whatever needs to change in us.

He offered three plain prayers. If you're holding on to anger: "Lord, I'm still angry, and I don't really want to let this go. I need you to change my heart." If you've been holding part of your life back from God: "Lord, I've been keeping part of my life back from you. I'm giving you all of it. Cleanse my heart, including the things I've been making excuses for, and fill me with your love." And if you've made that surrender and following through is hard, you can trust God for the grace to obey.

Then ask what obedience looks like this week. If you owe someone an apology, make time to talk, say what you did wrong without using the apology to explain everything they did wrong, and give them room to answer. If someone needs help you can give, decide when and put it on the calendar. If you've stopped listening to someone, sit down and hear them out.

Questions

1. Which of Pastor Bart's prayers fits where you are right now?
2. What would obedience look like for you this week? What will you do, and when?
3. A child watching two adults make peace after church learns something about God's love. Who might be watching how you handle a broken relationship?

Wrap up

Questions

1. How can we help each other follow through on the steps we named today?
2. How can we pray for each other before we meet again?

Through the week

• Monday: 1 John 4:7–12. Thank God for one specific way he loved you before you loved him.
• Tuesday: Luke 5:1–11 and John 21:15–19. Notice how Jesus treats Peter after his failure. Tell God honestly about something you've been afraid to bring to him.
• Wednesday: Romans 8:14–17. Pray using the words "Abba, Father." Pay attention to what changes in how you talk to him.
• Thursday: 1 Thessalonians 5:16–24. Ask God to sanctify you "through and through," including the part you've been keeping back.
• Friday: 1 John 3:16–18 and 1 John 4:19–21. Name one person you'll help this weekend, and decide how.

Try this

Choose one person from your church family who is hard for you to love, and do one concrete good thing for them this week: a meal, a note, a phone call, or half an hour of listening without correcting. Put it on your calendar before Sunday.

Close in prayer

Father, thank you for loving us before we ever loved you, and for sending your Son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins. You know what we've been holding back and why we've been afraid to trust you with it. We give ourselves to you. By your Holy Spirit, cleanse our hearts from sin and fill us with your love. When you show us something that needs to change, help us trust you and obey. Give us humility to admit when we're wrong and put things right, and open our eyes to the needs of the brothers and sisters we can see. Keep teaching us to love as we walk with you. In Jesus' name, amen.