Before You Hit Send

This morning I told our congregation about an email I wish I'd never sent.

I was commanding a ship at the time, and we had a problem with our potable water tanks. I can read a technical manual, and I didn't like how the repair was being handled. A maintenance officer who outranked me saw it differently. So did my boss overseas, who outranked me by a good deal more. I wanted backup from people back home in San Diego, so I put the whole thing in writing and copied far too many of them on it.

Then I hit Send. It bought me the biggest chewing-out of my naval career.

Here's the uncomfortable part. On the substance, I still think I was right about the repair. Where I went wrong was in how I treated the people involved, and being right about the water tanks didn't excuse that.

Most of us have some version of this story. Maybe yours was a text, a comment online, or something said across the kitchen table. You'd been irritated for a while, an opening came along to tell somebody exactly what you thought, and you took it. The bill came later.

Paul starts somewhere unexpected

When Paul tells the church in Colossae how Christians ought to treat each other, I'd expect him to open with the instructions. He does get to them: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another, forgiving one another. But before any of that, he reminds these believers who they are. They're "God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved" (Colossians 3:12, NIV).

The order is worth noticing. Paul doesn't say, "Be kind, and then God will love you." He says, in effect, "God has chosen you and loves you, so dress like it."

I was looking for backup when I wrote that email. I wanted enough people on my side that I'd win the argument. A Christian who knows he's dearly loved by God doesn't have to win every argument to know where he stands. He can tell the truth about a problem without needing to flatten somebody in the process.

Jesus showed us what that looks like the night before He died. John says Jesus knew "the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God" (John 13:3, NIV). And with all that settled, He got up from supper, wrapped a towel around His waist and washed His disciples' feet. Judas was in that room. So was Peter, who would deny Him before morning. Jesus knew it, and He knelt down anyway.

He had nothing to prove. Most of us, most of the time, feel like we do.

Kindness isn't pretending

None of this means problems disappear or that we should keep quiet when something is wrong. My classmates in more than one graduate group project left me holding the bag, and somebody needed to say so. Forgiveness doesn't erase the need for honesty, accountability or sensible boundaries. Sometimes a hard thing has to be said.

Paul's concern is how we say it, and what we're after when we do. Are we trying to fix the problem, or trying to make the other person feel about two inches tall? Kindness doesn't require pretending the work got done. It does require remembering that the person in front of us is worth more than the satisfaction of a perfect comeback.

Whose name is on it

Paul ends that paragraph with this: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him" (Colossians 3:17, NIV).

My name was at the top of that email, and everyone I copied knew exactly who wrote it. But I carry another name too. I claim to belong to Jesus, and I never stopped to ask whether the way I was handling that situation honored Him.

Here's the question I left with our church this morning:

Can I honestly say the way I'm treating this person honors the name of Jesus?

I wouldn't rush the answer. Most of us can build a case for ourselves pretty quickly when we've been wronged. If there's a message sitting in your drafts this afternoon, or one taking shape in your head, it's worth asking the question before you send it.

I wish I had.

If you missed Sunday, you can watch the sermon and work through the study guide on your own or with your Life Group.